Blog 2 - at the top of the stack

Almost every Friday, I get an e-mail from the agency. The past few months have had alot of what I call "anti-news" (news that just makes me worry), but honestly it still helps to get some sort of update .... I consider it sort of a "ping" to let me know that "hey, we still know you're out there waiting and we know how tough that part really is". The e-mail is refreshing, informative, reminds us of loose ends we need to tie up, what to expect when we're traveling, news in the country, etc. I absolutely LIVE for this e-mail, even if it doesn't tell me what I want to hear... If I'm away from my computer Friday evening, I'll find a quiet corner somewhere and check my mail on my cell phone. I also find myself scanning the agency website every day now, reading more blogs, going through my paperwork again, trying to connect with more people who are going through what I'm going through, when for the past 8 months or so, I have not been doing any of this.

I was in a hidey hole.... new job, new house, projects, had to get the lay of the land... I believe I had sort of shelved all my pre-mom activity except for the occasional item on my to-do list for keeping paperwork up to date. I bought this bed back in June or July 2007, a toddler bed (yay IKEA!), and I got the most adorable bedding in pink, with princesses, fairies, and castles on it, and it is still in the packaging. "The baby's room" as I like to call it, is an absolute disaster since I moved into this new house. I had the room all set up at the house in California, and for some reason I've been hesitating, although I did paint it a really nice lavender and buy some pink curtains. I imagined I would have heard something by Mother's Day, and when I didn't, I realized I'd been setting myself up for failure. To say I will have a little munchkin by my 37th birthday would be too optimistic I think. To say I will have this munchkin by Halloween 08 or Christmas 08, could very well be too optimistic. So I still keep these milestones in mind, but truth be told, we will step off that plane together on her Gotcha Day. Try marking that on your calendars.... a holiday in the making .... it will land on the exact day it wants to and we will celebrate it every year, our own special holiday, on XX-XX-08, hopefully.

I've read other blogs and I see the frustration in print with the waiting. I feel this way too. Some days are horrible. I feel like it won't ever happen. Some days are exciting when I focus on the fun ahead. And this leads me to the bit of news I got last Friday in the magical e-mail! 8 families had their paperwork moved from the federal level (MOE) to a region! I was not one of these 8 families but when I inquired, they are all very close to me in that their paperwork hit the MOE around the same time mine did. So what I like to imagine is that there's an office with a stack of papers on a desk, and my paperwork is on the top of the stack! I have faith that they're working on moving my paperwork soon. Alot of those families had dates later than mine, but there are still quite a few families who got their paperwork in earlier that haven't heard anything either. Different stacks of paper, different people working on each stack.... there's no number you take, like at the DMV or the grocery store meat counter.... I wish. "NEXT! Now serving 23, here you go, she sure is pretty but she's needing her diaper changed .... anything else today?" "Yes, I'll take a winning lottery ticket and a calorie free piece of your ultra-rich double chocolate cake with a glass of milk." Yes, I've been passed in line, so to speak. The point to be made is that dossiers are moving and they haven't been all year, hardly. This is great news to me, even if I'm at the top of that stack and they haven't figured out where they want to send me yet. I told my agent, "I just get to save more vacation days, the longer this thing goes." Ah, the power of positive thinking! And I need to get that room ready. I'll be a spaz in between trips (I will know clothing sizes and shoe size.... watch out world! All my power shopping will reach new heights! Moohoohaahaaa!) so I can't expect to work on the room then. Now is the perfect time. I need a ceiling fan in there, I am looking for book shelves and a little toy box, so I have some things to keep me busy, on top of the general house maintenance.

I wish I had a before pic of that room..... I'll try to put a "during" pic on here. So far, the room theme is going to be frog princes and fairies. I have some amazing ideas for a chandelier my friend Mindy sent to me and have just been waiting for a way to incorporate it. If I can get it to look like the picture in my mind, it will be a sight to behold.